Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
