Where are you?
In a non slutty way
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
