At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
