how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
