I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
a search helicopter?!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
