There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
