Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
