fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
