So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
