I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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