Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
