haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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