just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
