do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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