I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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