Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
