What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
