he shaved USA in his pubs
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize