Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
