Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
