i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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