i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
