Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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