someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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