dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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