between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
