I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
