New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
