Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
