sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
