i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
