I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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