The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
