I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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