dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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