Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
