i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
