Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
