Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
