You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
