Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
