if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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