I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
