: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
