Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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