Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
