I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
