she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Terrible idea I love it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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