The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
