Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
