I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am full of burrito and curiosity
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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