im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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