come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
