Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
