my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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