"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You ruined the universe
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize