you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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