the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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