just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
