I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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