In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
