it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
