You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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