you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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