you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
