if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
