Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
