I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
