what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
