That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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